Hope in the Time of Pork (Barrel Scam)

I was very enthusiastic when I started this writing challenge. I thought I'd never go to sleep without writing anything first. Then, I lost it - the enthusiasm to write. I couldn't think of a way to start a new post. I have a lot of things that I wanted to say, but I couldn't find the words to express them nor the energy to even try. Then came the disgusting pork barrel-related corruption. I wanted to write about it, but every time I try, I couldn't contain my anger and end up writing pieces I couldn't publish on my blog. The more I think that I need to write, the more that I resist doing it. Then, I read a quote from Paulo Coelho "I write to empty my mind and to fill my heart." Now, I would like to keep on writing again.

Looking back, how I felt about this writing challenge was very much like how I felt about life in my beloved country. I grew up aware, and a constant witness to our country's ills. All my dreams of who I want to be when I grow up were tied up to how great I want this country to be. When I was in Grade 5, I imagined myself as an astronaut planting the Philippine flag on the moon and in the deepest parts of oceanic trenches. I imagined myself discovering new islands, new planets and new galaxies and turning them over to the Philippine government. I even reached a point where I strongly believed that one day, there will be a Bioman team and I will be one of them; and the Philippines will be a world leader in fighting the bad guys from Earth and beyond.

When I was in high school, I wanted to be a senator. I thought it was the best way to serve my country. My ultimate happiness was to make this country a better place to live in by being one of the best senators who ever lived. In my mind, the Senate was where the best and the brightest congregate to make laws that will empower the people. The senators were heroes - modern warriors and conquerors who could have rivaled Julius Caesar and Napoleon Bonaparte. At night, I dreamed of delivering a speech in the senate, a speech so powerful that it will bring people to tears and propel them to work hard and serve their country.

At the beginning of my college life, I still wanted to be a senator. I couldn't have enough of Claro M. Recto. I read and reread books about him and his speeches. I felt there was no bigger achievement than to be a worthy successor of the great senator! But then of course, after one semester in UP, I realized that all I ever wanted was to be was a rebel. I was alive. I had all the answers to why our country was poor. I knew what were needed to make things better. I got a new favorite book - The Struggle for National Democracy. The most intelligent person for me was my discussion partner from whom I first learned the "evils" of privatization, commercialization, and all the other -ion words together with the -isms. Karl Marx was a genius (much more intelligent than Einstein) and communism was cool; and no one could have made me believe otherwise.

When I started working, I was very enthusiastic. I was ready to fly! Everything was possible. Nothing was difficult. By this time I realized that democracy was king. I was done with the -isms. My favorite new words were accountability, development, strategic planning and all their cousins.

But then slowly, I lost my enthusiasm. Everyday, I read,heard, saw on TV, and experienced the frustrating and depressing state of my beloved country. We become upset and cried foul so easily on small things but we forgave and looked the other way when confronted by gigantic acts of thievery and plunder (and even murder!). A Greek philosopher once said, "You cannot step on the same river twice." If he were alive today and visited the Philippines, he would never have said these words; because we, as a people, cross the same river every year and every election day. We're trapped in a world that makes us forget what happened the first time we crossed the river. We have a very short collective memory. I decided that the best thing to do to avoid being frustrated was to become apathetic. I wasn't happy but I wasn't that frustrated either. I was changed.

When the story on the pork barrel scam came out, I took it as just another news that will go away in a few days or maybe months. Then, a fried sent a link to an article about it. It was just so disgusting that I was shaking while reading how the taxes we paid were being stolen using a legal system. How can we be so low that we've elected officials who, most likely, do not know anything about social contract; who do not have any sense of justice and morality; and, who knows nothing, absolutely nothing, about what it truly means to serve the people.

My next reaction was fear. I fear for my children's future. I fear for the diminished quality of life that they will have to endure if we don't break this cycle of corruption in the Philippines. I fear for what will become of them if our officials' distorted values and priorities become the norm. I am a mother and I owe it to my children to demand that their future remain optimistic. I owe it to my children to make sure that their future is not compromised by the selfish acts of those who promised (and failed) to lead. I owe it to my children and all other children to be part of the call (and action) for change. There is always hope.